Each and every decision you make can get you to a certain place, with a certain person, in a certain situation. You don’t realize it when you’re on the way to that place, but it is a good thing, after all.
My Place is a combination of decisions, people, opportunities and wishes. I’ve always wished for a happy life, a happy family, a great career and lots of love. In a certain way, I achieved a little of each and a lot of the love. I fell in love as a teenager and I keep loving the same person after eight beautiful years together – years of growth, laughter, fights, love and travelling. I never realized, until this moment, what a beautiful journey we had and still having and how it helped me get to my Place.
You must be wondering what my Place looks like… Well, it’s a clutter of ambition and thoughts, most of which don’t let me sleep at night. It’s also orderly divided into rooms consisting of pieces of my personna: the family room, the love room, the writing room, the dreaming room, the crying room and the faith room. Each is being organized and reorganized each second, depending on my mood, feelings and/ or time to think.
The colors of the Place are strong – purple, pink, turqoise, bright yellow, deep blue, aquamarine, tangerine and green. Inside, it smells like baked goods, apple pie or vanilla cake and is always full of people. Outside, it’s cool like in the mountains, the sky is blue and you can watch the snowed peaks from a land of flowers as colorful as the inside.
The Place is my dream house, only virtual and ever changing. It can be in every country of this world, on every continent, depending on where I am or what I read. Yesterday was France, today is Italy, but for the past months it has been USA. I dreamed and worked, I dreamed and travelled, I dreamed and wrote, I dreamed and loved. I did what I was afraid to do – sky diving, roller coasters, ski -, what I did not dare admit I wanted – write -, what I wanted to but didn’t have a right place for it – love.
I went from serenity to despair, from happiness to depression, from angry to passionate, from steril to creative. I don’t deserve praise, but I do give myself credit for doing what I always wanted. I give myself credit for letting go of fears and regrets, of shame and frustration. I give myself credit for being free in a beautiful way, one that didn’t shook my world, turning it upside down, for starting all over again without abandoning what I have and, most of all, I give myself credit for trying. I tried to be a better person, a better girlfriend, a better companion. I tried to write better, work better, talk better, cook better. I tried to learn new things, new words and ways of being. I searched for alternatives, jobs, colors and I made plans. I tried not to complain, not to regret, not to blame.
For once, at the end of one year, I look back and don’t feel a sting in my heart, nor one from my conscience. It’s the year I stopped being afraid of making plans, being afraid of making friends, being afraid of being happy. I look forward to 2013 and, no matter what lays ahead, I will weather it, I will go with it and I will be grateful I have people around me to share all these with. And I found my Place, even if sometimes I don’t even recognize it, for it’s continuously changing.